Phantom Thief Rivaille
by Namiooo
Summary: Levi never thought this whole Phantom Thief business would be so complicated. Eren/Levi, loosely based on Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin or Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne.

* * *

The ceiling of this house building was dirty. The thought nagged Levi's mind but he refused to let it get to him, focusing instead on the painting inside, barely visible behind the sheer number of people. The small window next to him was covered with a thin layer of dust, much to his disgust, but he couldn't afford rubbing them away. Though it was fairly dark, there were a number of officers guarding the painting and they all were out for him. One wrong movement and he'd be wasting precious time that could be used to get in there and finish the task.

At least the night was windy. The occasional gust brought along early winter cold, and though it was distracting, the clouds in the sky could work to his advantage. Then everything darkened momentarily and Levi narrowed his eyes. _Now_. Bringing the cloth to his lips, he waited for Maria to do her part and everything was a flash of white.

A kick and the window fell apart, earning him a shriek and causing the officers to create a cover around the owner and Zoe, who was bursting with excitement. That brat. His eyes darted to their formation and narrowed. _They're still guarding the stupid thing?_ Pulling out his grappling hook, he shot for the window across the room. The police started shouting and Levi let out a small smirk before jumping in, pin ready in his hand.

"T-there he is! Don't let him any closer!" The woman pointed at him, voice hitched as if frightened, but even without the table lamps he could see the demon hanging off her. It lunged for him and Levi narrowly dodged its attack. Three officers jumped for him but he already slipped through, begrudgingly thanking his small stature. It was barely a second before the demon attacked him again, but this time the painting was in sight and he threw the pin, smirking as it collided with the canvas and everything seemed to stop.

_Checkmate._

Maria materialized as the chess piece fell, catching it in her ethereal arms. The canvas turned white but Levi didn't bother watching it transform as he pulled on his hook and shot out of the house, silently disappearing into the night.

* * *

"Levi! You wouldn't believe what happened last night. I saw Rivaille again! He managed to slither out of our grasp within seconds, though, and he only stayed for a minute, so I wasn't able to see how he pulls everything off. You should've been there! I bet you'll be able to catch him. I mean, you're basically an eel, with how good you are in gym." Levi mentally tuned her out, having heard this speech at least six times in the past month and a half. Zoe grasped his shoulders and jerked him back, eyes shining behind her glasses. He was pretty sure they would fog up if she kept going like that. "Imagine that! It would be one huge leap to understanding people like him. Oh, it's just so amazing. I'm getting myself too excited."

_This is idiotic._ Zoe kept her chatter as she opened her mailbox, taking the pile inside as she went on and on about the phantom thieves and some shit he didn't care for. His eyes strayed to his mailbox but Zoe steered him towards the stairs and he didn't know whether he was grateful or if he wanted to strangle her. Then again, he doubted anything had changed.

If they hadn't sent anything for six years, what were the chances that they would start now?

"All right," Zoe said, turning to him. Levi blinked to see that they were in front of their respective doors. "See you later?"

"Yeah, whatever." He gave a small nod before entering his house and closing the door behind him. The silence that greeted him was familiar but it changed nothing—still hurt no matter how hard he denied it. Taking a deep breath, Levi ignored it and went to his room, unbuttoning his shirt along the way. Dwelling in those thoughts would get him nowhere. Humanity needed him to focus on winning more, getting the leverage against the titans. Sighing, he dropped his bag on the bed and rolled his sleeves, eyeing the apartment. They were clean, being mostly undisturbed day and night, but there's always new dust. Grabbing his apron, he resigned himself to cleaning the hell out of everything.

Levi set the mop down with a satisfied sigh, a very, _very_ small smile on his face. Everything that could sparkle shone and the house smelled like pine and hints of other cleaning products, mingling together to become the place of mothers' dreams. _I should take a shower_, he thought, wiping his forehead with a cloth_. _Deciding to take to a breather, he went to the balcony, relishing the small breeze that passed by.

"Hello neighbor!" Narrowing his eyes, Levi looked up to see a brown-haired brat with a dopey grin wave at him. "Nice… view, isn't it?"

He was staring. Levi glared at him, mouth a thin line.

"I'm Eren. What's your name?" Levi went back inside and shut the door with a pointed look, but the fact that it was a glass door defeated the purpose of closing it. When this "Eren" still smiled at him, albeit with a pinched look on his face, he pulled the blinds and stomped to the bathroom.

_…Why did I do that?_ If he was honest, Eren didn't do anything wrong, other than looking like shit. He asked for his name, which wasn't a crime either. _A shame it isn't._ Shaking his head, Levi turned on the water and ducked under it. After a moment he grabbed the soap and shampoo. If only thoughts could leave as easily as the foams running down his skin. Not even soap remains that's been sitting for months was that hard to clean.

"Levi? Another one. Tonight?"

"In the bathroom, Maria?" he grumbled. "What if I was taking a dump?" The being didn't reply. Figures. He allowed himself one last rinse before turning off the water and stepping out. "All right. Nine o'clock, okay?"

Maria silently left the bathroom and he dressed up before quickly following suit. Levi generally appreciated how efficient and sparse she was with words, as Hanji was loud enough for a whole building, but sometimes he wondered if he wanted her to talk _more_. It would be nice to have someone to greet him home after school or something; he was naturally quiet and back then he had two other people to at least make this place livelier. He wasn't lonely, though. He's just… Levi shook his head before regretting it. Darn, now there were drops on the floor again.

Getting the mop again, he pushed the thought out of his mind. The whole thing was stupid anyway.

* * *

Sometimes Levi wondered what dictated the outfit for this whole thing, because they certainly didn't care about their Phantom Thieves freezing to death. A dress shirt and a barely sufficient, useless cloak just made him look like freaking_ Little Red Riding Hood_. The longest part of his missions was getting into and out of the place. It took five minutes, tops, to seal the demon and restore another piece of Humanity's power. It took an hour or two to get back home, in the streets where he'd be at the mercy of the weather and possibly the passers-by because damn he looked like those people whose kink was wearing weird costumes. Levi contemplated giving the middle finger to this stupid outfit but then again, Maria could turn cruel and make him naked or something.

"This is bullshit," he murmured. The idiotic headband flowed behind him as he ran, and he suddenly got the urge to rip it off. He shouldn't have thought about his clothes. Now he couldn't stop thinking about it. Something appeared on the corner of his eyes and he stopped, turning to face it fully.

"You're very good."

There was a _giant_ on the top of the stone fence, standing at least 2 meters tall, casting a shadow long enough to engulf him. His face was rough—the lower half of it was hidden under a flimsy fabric but the wind easily blew it aside and he could see the pronounced jaw line and the smirk that made him want to punch the brat. But Levi schooled his expression and waited for something else to happen.

"I will have to consider you a rival, then. Take it as… a friendly competition. Phantom Thief Rivaille." The giant nodded and jumped off to some tree, probably shaking off quite a number of leaves. Levi pitied the owner of the garden. Then nature reminded him of his current worry and he ran back to his apartment, arriving more winded than he wanted himself to be. Maria changed his clothes again and he stumbled onto his bed, exhausted. The feeling of soft fabric under his skin carried him off to sleep, but a thought surfaces briefly before disappearing as he fell unconscious.

_Rival, eh?_

* * *

A/N: Me + 100k in 100 days + hilarious photoshop of Rivaille with ribbon baton = shitty AU about Rivaille being Maron.

Anyway! I was going to make it a full-on Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne AU but there's a lot of things that didn't work so I had to change quite a few things. Basically now the only things that stayed was the part where Levi is Maron and that he's as elastic as rubber.

I tried to keep this vaguely realistic and manly, hence the grappling hook, because I don't think Levi's light enough for a ribbon.

Look at me, getting all riled up because of a shoujo comic 3 years younger than me.

Oh, and I drew Kaitou!Levi but it was supposed to be a cover. What do you say about me making this a comic? I'll start when this had several chapters, like 5 or something, but I'd like to know your opinion.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own SnK nor do I own Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne. I'm pretty sure creators of both are mortified of me, really.

* * *

"—Levi, Levi! You need to hear this; last night was _amazing_—you should have come with me. Not only did I saw Rivaille, but I've also received the news that there is another phantom thief working in another area. He sent a similar message as Rivaille, but whether they're related or not is still questionable. So far the only thing connecting them would be what they do; their modus operandi are so different, with him going after close range tanking and Rivaille being more tactical and agile. Now I'm torn whether I should focus on Rivaille or him. Maybe I could switch over every other case? But then I might miss important moments in both parties, defeating the purpose of my research. Not to mention—"

"Zoe."

"—that I will have to study the new guy's behavior, which I'm sure will take some time. But how could I be sure that the new person would stay around for long? It's possible that he's only here for a short amount of time before returning to his area. The people who were on his case weren't sure about his identity either so I couldn't come into conclusion whether he'd be staying for good or not. Not to mention I'd have to learn why he's here, despite the fact that we already have a phantom—"

"Hange."

"—thief. I'm so torn. What do you think?" Levi rubbed his temples, resisting the urge to do something _drastic_. It's too early for this crap.

"Perhaps you should stop this whole thing. What good will it do anyway?" Zoe clicked her tongue, wagging her finger in front of his face. "On second thought, please don't elaborate. I'd like to sleep tonight without you hovering over my bed, trying to explain every single reason out there."

"I, as an aspiring scientist slash psychologist, learn for the sake of knowledge, Levi. It's something we enjoy, like your OCD with cleanliness."

"Being clean never put anyone in harm's way foolishly," he pointed out. "It doesn't involve sending dozens of policemen guarding a stupid painting." Zoe opened her mouth but the bell rang and the teacher walked in, strained smile on his face. Everyone went silent, save for a couple of mumbles from the back.

"Good morning class. Today we have a new student from the Shiganshina District. I expect you all to treat him well. Eren…"

_You've gotta be kidding me_. The door opened and _he_ walked in, looking even more constipated than the teacher. His face was serious, and the only metaphor Levi could come up with was that he's been holding shit in for several hours. Several of the students began murmuring to each other.

"My name is Eren Yeager. Nice to meet you." The class replied in kind, the boys bored and the girls way too happily. Levi, for one, didn't even open his mouth, trying to ignore the shitty brat. He had no idea why he disliked the kid, but he trusted his instincts and it didn't like him.

"You may sit next to Levi." His head snapped so fast it almost hurt. "Levi, would you stand up please?" No. Just no. Levi kept to himself and ignored the teacher's glare. Why must Erwin be assigned to another class? He used to occupy the seat on his other side—no one else dared to sit next to him due to his reputation. Most of the time life was good, until things like this happen.

"Levi." Mentally damning the man, he rose from his seat. There was a smile in Eren's eyes and he swore the shitty brat was laughing at him, with those twitching lips and all. He quickly sat down again, eyes fixated on the teacher as he listed off all kinds of gastrointestinal diseases he knew of.

"Levi, Levi."

"What?" he snapped. Zoe's shit-eating grin was steadfast. Sometimes he wondered why they were friends. She was loud and insane and liked to crash his place, leaving her stuffs on every available surface and ruin his hard work. She did bring him food, though, and they were delicious. "Stop grinning. You look like shit."

"Aren't you going to say hello?"

"Hell no."

"So your name is Levi." He turned to glare at Yeager, who backed away a few inches. The awkward smile on his face faltered. "I just, uh, didn't expect it. It's nice to meet you."

"Can't say the same," he murmured, crossing his arms. He directed his gaze to the board, staring at the permanent marks marring the surface and resisting the urge to clean it up properly. No one knew how to take care of class property save for him; they didn't even know which product did what. He continued his mental rant and ignored the way Zoe giggled and talked to Eren over his head. He knew she knew what he felt about what she's doing.

Damn them both for being so tall.

* * *

"I've heard there's a new student in your class?" Zoe nodded as the three of them sat down in their usual table, trays in hand. Erwin hummed thoughtfully, as if mulling over it. "There's supposed to be three of them. At least that's what everyone says."

"Since when do you care so much about what people are saying?" Levi grumbled. Lunch was supposed to be spent in peace, if peace meant Zoe talking their ears off about the possible gears "Rivaille" used and how she came up with the idea. Really, how hard was it to guess a grappling hook? It wasn't like he used ribbon baton to swing around. That would be stupid.

"Don't worry about him," Zoe said. "He's been like this because the new kid, Eren, took your seat." Erwin cocked an eyebrow, a small smile on his face. It's like his friends loved it when he was suffering. Scratch that, he was pretty sure they did. If they weren't his best—if not only—friends, he'd send them both crashing against the walls with painful kicks to the head.

Zoe continued to blabber at Erwin, talking over his head again, with Levi occasionally interjecting because she was speaking with food in her mouth and _that's disgusting._ She just grinned and wiped the edges of her mouth with a tissue before continuing, while Erwin's smile grew wider as his eyes flicked to him.

The students began to leave not long after, chatters fading as they walked away. Levi rose to throw his trash when his eyes narrowed, feeling someone's stare boring into him. Turning around, he was met with Yeager looking at him and glared back. Several unfortunate students caught between them stopped and backtracked.

"You're scaring other people," Erwin said. Levi turned away.

"Let's just back to class. I've got Chemistry next and the teacher wants me for something." He didn't argue as Zoe pushed him out of the cafeteria, though he didn't brush off his feelings about the way Yeager stared at him. He knew that look—calculating, as if he knew _something _but Levi couldn't determine what. Him being Phantom Thief? The kid was too stupid to figure that out; they shared several classes and Levi could tell that he just wasn't strong in the brain department. Then again, he could have known by other means.

He shook the thoughts out of his head. If he approached Yeager about this, that would just confirm the shitty brat's theory that Levi was hiding something. The best way to proceed would be staying low until he stopped being suspicious. And if Zoe hadn't figured his identity out, he was reasonably confident that Yeager wouldn't.

"Oh, and Levi, did you do your Chemistry homework?"

Shit.

* * *

Levi let his head hit the table with a small thud, wishing that this all would end.

"It's only another fifty questions, Levi, it's nothing." He didn't even bother flipping her the finger. Zoe laughed and ate more chips, probably leaving more disgusting crumbs everywhere _and on his person_ as she patted him. It's weird how they basically grew up together and she turned into… this.

"In addition to yesterday's twenty five, yes."

"All you need to do is determine how many percent an element is in a reaction, the ratio of moles and the likes. That barely takes several lines."

"Easy for you to say." He sighed and pushed himself upright, rubbing his eyes. The sky was already dark. Erwin already went home after finishing his homework and playing with Zoe, because it had been five hours and Erwin only had several easy questions to answer. Levi was sure he just stuck around because he didn't felt like going home.

"Well, you should probably stop for now. You finished how many, thirty five?"

"Thirty three." She waved her dirty hand and crumpled the plastic, throwing it into the trashcan. Levi rubbed his temples. A headache already formed on question twenty six and he was hungry, but there's no way he's eating while doing his homework. Putting it off wasn't an answer either, because unlike Zoe, he wasn't enthusiastic about school and would probably forget to continue after he ate.

"That's good enough. Seventeen questions, you could do that after dinner. It'll take less than an hour. I'll even promise to help." Levi raised his eyebrows but Zoe already turned her back to him. "Mom wanted you to join. She said it's been a while since you last ate with us and she wasn't happy with that. You know how she gets when you go all antisocial on us."

He knew how she gets. Sighing, Levi stared at his homework. Sure, seventeen questions was nothing compared to the fifty eight he finished, but he really didn't want to go back to_ that_.

"Don't ta—Ooh, I never knew Yeager lived there." He abruptly turned around, eyes narrowing. Zoe was standing by the balcony, waving excitedly at the brat, who looked surprised as he stared at her. She opened the window before Levi could say anything. "Hello there neighbor!"

"Zoe," Levi hissed.

"Isn't the view to Levi's apartment nice? It's positively sparkling, you just can't tear your eyes off, can you? You should come here sometimes. Levi could use the company. Maybe he won't be so grumpy if you do so." Maybe he should push her off. It was only the first floor, which was a shame but he didn't need a criminal record. He stomped over and closed the window, glaring at Yeager before he drew the blinds shut. Zoe grinned at him.

"Little shit."

"While you were busy doing your homework, he was staring through like a dozen times. He looked so disappointed when he saw me or Erwin instead, too."

"You should stop drinking chemicals in the lab. It ruined both your brain and your eyes." She scoffed and walked towards the door.

"You're just in denial. Maybe he was smitten by your _wonderful_ personality and wanted to know more, but he's just too shy. Or maybe he was in love with your shiny clean floors and wanted to know your secrets. Either way, you should talk to him."

"Will coming with you to dinner shut you up?" Zoe didn't answer but he still begrudgingly followed her into her apartment, locking his door before so. Mrs. Hange greeted him happily, though her attention was quickly stolen by the dinner she was cooking. Levi nodded at Mr. Hange and sat down next to Zoe, who suddenly sported a suspicious grin.

"Not really," she said.

"Hange." The clatter of plates drowned his voice as Mrs. Hange placed the food on the table, talking over him as she told him how glad she was that he came. Levi sent Zoe a glare but she just wiggled her eyebrows.

"Mom," she sang. Levi stepped on her foot. "Today Levi got a—_Ouch_ that actually hurt!"

"Liar. You have no pain receptors."

"Still a mean thing to do, Levi dear. And what do you think I was going to say?"

"You were going to talk about _that._"

"No I wasn't."

"You were."

Dinner was a blur of words afterwards, more conversation than it was the delicious food Mrs. Hange cooked, and it took him several minutes to remember that he needed to drag Zoe back so that she'd help him with his homework.

"Wait," said Mrs. Hange. Levi stopped and turned around, blinking. "You have something to eat for breakfast?"

"I, yeah."

"You're coming over for dinner tomorrow, all right?" _How do I answer that?_ Maria never really cared about his schedules; forget plans, she barely gave him time to do his homework. Dinners with the Hange tend to be a long affair, lasting nearly two hours. Mrs. Hange seemed to read his thought, or at least the general idea, because she pushed him out along with Zoe. "Don't give me that face. All right, if you have _plans_ tomorrow, I'll just put some aside. Now go do your homework."

Levi flashed her a grateful smile before pushing Zoe into his apartment.

* * *

A/N: You know, sometimes I wonder if this shit has a plot or not. I'm not sure it does. I apologize if this is boring, but boring _is_ what I do best. This boring shit for over 10 days. HAHA totally worth it right guys.

I forgot to say this in my last chapter—BETA READER NEEDED. Note that I'm prone to having cracky ideas and I like seme Eren but ok I'll stop talking before I scare off everyone.

HAHA Who am I kidding I talked to trees on my second day at school. It took me a year to make a friend because of that.

OK, so I've been seeing Hanji being spelt as Hange and at that moment I knew that her first name is supposed to be Zoe. Last chapter will be changed. And yes, I did my research. Hange is a surname.

Anon: Thank you! I was kind of… wondering why I even published this because I never had experience with writing beyond writing for myself, so I'm kind of… yeah.

Thanks again!


End file.
